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Recent Events

My life has been so damn complicated lately, it’s ridiculous.

*Health*: sucks. I have my GAD (generalized anxiety disorder) under control finally with Lexapro. That part is fine. My ADHD is being managed incredibly well by Vyvanse. I’ve been having to take Ativan at night to calm my anxiety to sleep…but I’ll explain that later. And in general my insomnia is as horrible as ever. It’s 4am right now…and I’m not even sleepy. But the WORST part of my health situation….is that my mom lost her job, which means we do not have health insurance. Now I pay for everything else on my own…but I really needed her help with this until I graduate from school with my second degree. So without health insurance…and with all of my meds being so incredibly expensive, I spend almost $600/month on meds alone. Then I have to factor in doctor’s visits, and all of that good stuff. That is more than my rent! So this leads to my second issue.

*Finances*: I have quite literally NEVER been so broke in my life. No one is hiring in this area. At least not for the schedule that I have available while I am in school. I’ve had to take out even more loans and a second credit card just to keep my head above water. But this won’t last for long…I need to figure out something ASAP. 

*Relationships*: ha! boy has this screwed me over lately. In December Jon and I broke up. I’ll leave that story to another post…because it’s pretty long and dramatic. But I have been really struggling with getting past it. I know that breaking up is for the best…I mean my mind knows it. But my heart still misses him every single day. He got in trouble again…which I knew he would if we weren’t together. I was the only thing in his life holding it together. Once we broke up his mom called me to tell me that he was in jail. Fantastic. I’m going into a criminal justice career and my record is crystal clear *knock on wood*, and I have an ex-boyfriend in jail. Boy have I made some interesting choices lately. So you know…I can SEE that he is not the right person for me…but I wish that I could FEEL that. I wish I didn’t love him so damn much :/. But I guess that time heals all wounds… at least I hope so.

I’ve been starting to date someone new too. Nothing serious, as I certainly don’t want to rush into anything after Jon. Especially because I still have feelings for him. I really like the new guy…but I want to take things slow to make sure that it isn’t a rebound situation. But the new guy is confusing as hell. ughh. But he’s a total sweetheart and completely different than Jon. Like a full 180 degrees. So we will see what happens…

Anyways, I have plenty more to update you on…but I have to find a way to at least try to sleep :/.

Goodnight my loves 🙂

Rhi Rhi

30 Day Picture Challenge

I want to do this! So I’m going to start right now with day # 1. So here is a picture of me:

And then 15 facts about me (pretty random):

1. I’m overly obsessed with football
2. I’d opt in for a beer over wine any day
3. I love makeup and trying out new styles
4. I just got out of a really long term relationship…so being single has been quite an adjustment for me.
5. I’ve changed my hair color multiple times…but I really do believe that blondes have more fun 😉
6. I have the most amazing friends and family in the world, and I don’t know where I’d be without them.
7. I have a 2 year old kitty named Charlie. He thinks he’s a dog…he plays fetch, growls at new people, and comes when you call his name.
8. I’m a perfectionist…or maybe I just have OCD to the max. Either way…I like things to be perfect :).
9. I don’t like things that come easily to me…I like a challenge. but at the same time, I *need* a boy to chase me…because I won’t be anyone’s puppy dog.
10. I’ve recently became addicted to twitter
11. I have an unhealthy obsession with shoes…I own hundreds.
12. I like being in control…of pretty much everything.
13. I procrastinate more than anyone you know.
14. I hate the cold, and love the ocean. But somehow I live in CO…but I still love it hear most of the time :).
15. I am probably the most picky eater you will ever eat. I don’t like anything healthy, so that’s a problem. I can eat pretty much anything with tobasco

There is day #1 🙂

Glade Expressions Review

So I just absolutely LOVE being a Bzz Agent (go to http://www.bzzagent.com to sign up!). About 2 weeks ago I received a brand new Bzz Kit in the mail for the Glade Expressions Collection. The Kit contained a variety of coupons, a ton to hand out to my friends and family, and 2 special coupons to allow me to try Glade Expressions for free!

I immediately ran to Target to try out these highly talked about home decor/fragrance items. With my first coupon I picked up the Glade Expressions Collection Oil Diffuser Starter Kit in the Pineapple and Mangosteen scent.

I absolutely love it! It makes me feel as if I am on a tropical island. It combines the scent of two amazing fruits:

Pineapple 

and Mangosteen 

There are so many great things about this product. First and foremost, it smells AMAZING. It looks really cool too! It comes with this really neat looking oak holder that adds something special to your home decor. The oil is supposed to last a full 30 days before wearing out. I’ve used it for 2 weeks so far and it still smells brand new :). Most air fresheners are one of two things:

1. They smell for about 30 seconds and then they are done. Not worth your money. 
2. The smell puts your senses on *overload* and you cannot be in the same room for more than a few minutes.

BUT this product falls in neither one of these negative categories! The scent is fresh and welcoming, and never overwhelming…AND it lasts a long time! I’d highly recommend it.

With the second coupon, I picked up the new Glade Expressions Collection Fragrance Mist in Cotton and Italian Mandarin.

It combines the smell of two wonderful things:

Cotton (like fresh laundry!) 

and Italian Mandarin 

The container is really cool because it is reusable, so when you run out of the Fragrance Mist, all you have to do is buy a small refill. The smell is delicious  and just like it’s Oil Diffuser cousin, it is neither overwhelming or overrated. I would highly recommend this product too!

 

New Review!

I’ve decided that I really want to start posting some reviews on my blog of some really great products that I have tried lately.

Recently I signed up to be a Bzz Agent at http://www.bzzagent.com. They send you some really great *free* things for you to test and review. I love it!

My very first Bzz Kit contained a full Schick Hydro Silk razor starter kit. Within this was a reusable razor handle, 2 cartridges, and a shower holder. My Bzz Kit also came with a ton of coupons for this amazing new razor! So come see me to get one of these :).

I must say that I absolutely LOVE this razor. The handle is huge and kind of gel-like so it never slips out of your hand and around the shower. The shower holder is really great for keeping it in place when you are not using it too.

The actual razor cartridge has 5 razor with little “cut-protectors” on them. These ensure that you get an extra close shave. Then the razor has this little part that lets the cartridge move around in extra hard to reach places, so you NEVER have those little patches of hair that are somehow usually missed with other razors.

However, I must say that my absolute favorite part of this new razor is the moisturizing serum. There are two little blue strips that are activated by water. When you hold the razor head under the shower, the moisture is activated, and when you shave your legs they get super silky!

I would most *definitely* recommend this razor to any ladies that are looking for a super silky smooth shave. I’m going to continue to buy more cartridges for this for sure!

Love always,

Rhi

Blogging

Hello Hello 🙂

I don’t understand why I am so horrible at blogging! I forget about it for weeks to months at a time. When I remember I get really into it and absolutely love it. I need a strategy on how to get into doing it every day.

Today I am at my mom’s house. I’ve been staying here for the past few days. I needed to come down to get some of my meds. Jon and Zoey stayed the night last night, it was pretty fun. We seem to fight a lot lately though and that makes me really sad. We are constantly arguing over his drug use. I just can’t deal with it! He is on probation for fucks sake, why would he risk smoking weed when he only has a few months left? I guess I just get really mad because he does so well when it is just us, or even when he’s around most of his friends. However, when he is around his best friend Ross all things come crashing down. Ross is a great guy, he’s always been really nice to me. He’s from Iowa, just like Jon, and they’ve known each other forever. But whenever Jon is with Ross he does stupid shit. It’s like he feels the need to constantly impress him or something. He drinks and drives. Which is a) dangerous so I worry about him constantly, and b) retarded! If he got caught…and received a DUI he’d be so fucked. His probation officer would send his ass back to court, she would have no choice. Then his deferred sentence would be stripped away and he would go to jail…guaranteed. But it’s not only drinking and driving. When they drink (which is all the time, and to an extensive amount) he gets extremely defensive. We fight. I’m so stubborn, and yes…I can be quite a bitch. But he is always the one that calms the situation down, that calms me down. So we hardly ever fight when we are sober. But when he drinks and I say something rude, he gets super mean and defensive. They I get aggressive and increasingly stubborn, so I can’t back down or admit I’m wrong. But besides alcohol…there is the whole drugs problem. When we were first dating Ross and Jon would always do Coke or Molli (sp?). I sure as hell hope that has stopped, but I can never be sure. But now Ross and Jon are ALWAYS smoking together. Jon got in trouble in the first place for weed. He takes regular UA’s. He thinks that if he smokes a day after he takes a UA that everything will be okay. That if he gets called to do another one randomly…he just won’t go. He thinks that he “controls” the actions of his probation officer. It’s hard to plead to him otherwise because his probation officer really isn’t helping…He’ll miss a ton of UA’s and BA’s and she’ll talk to him about it and let him go on his way. And that’s happened a million times. Don’t get me wrong, I definitely don’t want him to get in trouble. I sure as hell don’t want to be in a relationship with someone in jail or prison. But come on! When no one gives you consequences, how are you supposed to act?? Your parents bail you out and pay all of your expenses. Your parents buy you a house and pay all of your bills. Your probation officer rarely, if ever, follows up on consequences. Your friends encourage you to do stupid shit. I am literally the only person getting pissed an providing consequences…which I guess are just our fights…but still. He’s living free and wild and he has this mentality that he can never get caught or get in trouble. Umm hello?? What do you think happened the time you got caught? You thought you never would and yet you did…IDK. but i love that kid to death so I’ll have to figure something else out.

School blows. I think I have to do a University Withdrawal this semester. Great. I haven’t been to school in like 2 months, and I’ve missed countless tests and assignments. I got into this lull that has really messed my life up recently. I’ve slept for 15+ hours a day. I didn’t have any of my crucial ADHD meds forever because I can’t afford them. My mom lost her job and we don’t have health insurance. I’m just falling behind in everything and it really blows.

Anyways…i’ve been doing some work from home and I really like it! I work as a freelance contractor on Elance.com. It’s been really great so far. It just sucks because I’ve only been working there for over a month now…so because I’m new and don’t have many ratings yet, I can only charge a very low fee. So I’m working super hard and not making shit. bahh. hopefully that’ll pick up.

I guess I’ll go back to work now. Yay? ha. Hopefully I’ll be back here soon blogging :).

Nana

Insomnia…Let Me Rest!!

I feel like I can never sleep. Okay…I don’t feel like it…I CAN NEVER GET TO SLEEP. I’m constantly up until 6 or 7 in the morning. Then I sleep until 4 in the afternoon. It’s a vicious little cycle and I’ve really grown to hate it. I’ve tried a million things to fix it, hypnosis, brain entrainment, melatonin, ambien, ativan, senata, lunesta, (all prescribed of course…don’t worry), sleepy time tee, relaxation techniques, “sleep hygiene” …. and the list goes on and on. Some of it helped…for like a day, and then it stopped working. What else could I possibly do? Drink myself into a coma? Well that isn’t healthy and I’m quite sure that might make it worse on top of a few other problems it may cause. I’m awake when my roommate gets up and gets ready for work. I usually say goodbye to her before I finally fall asleep and I wake up when she gets home. Some life I live huh? In fact, it’s no life at all. This sick sleep cycle has really messed up my “normal” life. I can’t hold a steady job, because I can never wake up in time. I can’t go to class, work out, see friends, do work, etc…

Now when I say that I can’t wake up, this often causes arguments between my family and friends and I. Most of them say “you are just being lazy!”, “you have no motivation”, “everyone is tired but we still get up and go to work everyday!”. It sucks because I know that if I were in their position I’d be thinking the same damn thing. But little do they know, or care to try to comprehend, this is not how it works for me. I’d kill to be waking up every day at 6am and going to sleep at a healthy hour. My mind just doesn’t function like that. It is PHYSICALLY impossible for me to wake up. I mean I set 6 alarms on my phone, and 2 different alarms on opposite sides of the room. I either sleep through them all, or somehow turn them off in a sleep walking daze. I remember none of this when I am finally awake. this is killing me. ahhhhh

Help?

Rhi Rhi

Vanguard Series Check Off

So, like I mentioned before, I really want to start watching the Vanguard series! So here is my first check off onto the shows that I’ve seen. I will rate them from 1-10. 1 being the least interesting/informative, 10 catching my interest immensely.

SEASON #1

1. “A Day With the Tribe” – Laura Ling – Brazilian Tribe….[have not seen yet]
2. “The Meth Trail” – Christof Putzel – Meth in the gay community…[have not seen yet]
3. “Diving Too Deep” – Mariana Van Zeller – Depletion of Lobsters in Nicaragua… [Have not seen yet]
4. “Death Train” – Mariana Van Zeller – Illegal Immigrants from Central America…[have not seen yet]
5. “Rebels in the Pipeline” – Mariana Van Zeller – Nigeria’s Oil Rich Niger Delta…[have not seen yet]
6. “From Russia With Hate” – Christof Putzel – Growing Neo-Nazi movement in Russia…[have not seen yet]
7. “Elixir of the Toxic Frog” – Mariana Van Zeller – The Kambo frog could hold secrets for modern medicine…[have not seen yet]
8. “Prison Power Play” – Laura Ling – Prison Gang Politics [I’ve seen this AND blogged about it on 8/18/12] I’d give it a 7 on my rating scale. I really like it!
9. “Saving Madagascar” – Adam Yamaguchi – Environmental Issues in Madagascar… [have not seen yet]
   
10. “Blood Roses and Deadly Diamonds” – Mariana Van Zeller – Unromantic Truth about 2 symbols of love…[have not seen yet]
11. “Scarf Wars” – Laura Ling – Extremes of enforcing church and state inTurkey…[have not seen yet]
12. “Lost in Democracy” – Christof Putzel – Bhutan…[have not seen yet]
13. “City on Steroids” – Adam Yamaguchi – Chongqing…[have not seen yet]
14. “End of the Road” – Jael de Pardo – Pan-American Highway…[have not seen yet]
15. “Lagos la vida Loca” – Mariana Van Zeller – Lagos, Nigeria…[have not seen yet]
    
16. “Destination Anywhere” – Tracey Chang – Emigration from Phillipines…[have not seen yet]
17. “World’s Sugar Daddy” – Mariana Van Zeller – Ethanol in Brazil…[have not seen yet]
18. “Pollution To Protest” – Laura Ling – Electronic Waste…[have not seen yet]
19. “World Without Water” – Adam Yamaguchi – Droughts in China, Florida, and Lake Mead…[have not seen yet]

Vanguard: Prison Gangs

So I decided that I really want to start watching all of the Vanguard documentaries, they are so damn interesting!

I’ve seen a few before, but this is the first one I’ve talked about.

I just watched Prison Gangs on the Audience Network channel on DIRECTV. It takes us to California State Prison at Concoran, a maximum security prison. Laura Ling runs the show, and she’s really great. I like how real she is, she doesn’t want to edit anything out. And she’s so fearless! She wants to try to talk with some of the country’s deadliest prisoners, and has no problem sitting close to them. Although prison officials do end up lecturing her about her close proximity, because she could easily be killed.

This documentary shows us the inside of the prison, ran by “prison politics” which is all based on racial segregation. It is obvious to see that there are many prison gangs involved, but the Mexican Mafia runs this particular prison (just 1 of California’s 33 prison’s). The prison is set to house 2900 prisoners, however, because of overcrowding, Concoran houses over 4900 dangerous convicts. Some of the lower level prisoners are even forced to be housed in the gymnasium in closely spaced bunks because there is no room left in the prison itself.

I really found myself to be interested in this particular show because I am going into the criminal justice field. I just visited LCDC (Larimer County Detention Center) the other day, and although it is only a County Jail, it was still so crazy.

It kind of blew my mind to see how dangerous it was for any prisoner to be there. If they don’t affiliate with a prison gang, they could be killed instantly…even by their own race. It was crazy to hear how easy it was to get drugs into the cells. So many convicts serving life sentences stated that they smoked meth daily, and nothing could stop them.

This reminds me of when I went to LCDC. The deputies talked about the prisoners in maximum security and how they had given up caring. All of the other prisoners have some hope of getting out someday, so they try to be somewhat good. But people serving life sentences do what they please. They could get written up, but what is a stupid piece of paper to them? What is being threatened with less “rec” time when they are already in solitary confinement for 23 hours a day? They just don’t care. And why should they? I mean I don’t think I could ever commit one of the various crimes that got them to that position, but in another world, if I was in that position I would feel the same. I’d already be serving life, no privileges, no hope of getting out or getting moved to a better section. So why hold myself back? There is nothing more they can do to you that isn’t already being enforced. They’ve hit rock bottom already, so why not keep pushing it? Damn, how crazy.

Yesterday (Friday 8/17)

Another part of the happiness video on PBS was blogging every morning about what happened the day before. *I am supposed to include at least one positive aspect*

Yesterday sucked. I was supposed to wake up early and go to work, then leave by noon and make it to my doctor’s appointment in Boulder by 2pm. Instead I woke up at 1pm…typical. So I had to call around to a bunch of different gynocologists to try and get an appointment. But no one could see me before October, so I ended up just calling my old one and scheduling another appointment. However, I’ve missed so many in a row that they told me the next time I miss one, I’ll be dismissed from the practice. GREAT. Then I sent out an email to my internship bosses explaining in full detail my medical problems. I really did not want to because I am so very embarrassed about it all! But I felt that they deserved the truth. The one positive thing about my day is that one of them sent me a very kind message  back, and it made my day. He spoke about how wonderful I was and how he hoped his daughter would be like me. AHHH SO sweet! 🙂

Then the rest of the day I spent doing…nothing. I did clean the kitchen and my room, I guess that’s another positive thing that happened. But after that all that I did was watch TV and play video games. Total waste of a day.

What do I want to do differently today?

Exercise!

Blog!

Be productive!

Less TV!

Homework!

Be nice to bf 🙂

Thanks for listening to me blab.

Love,

Nana